Philosophy of Friendship
Key Theories
Aristotle — Three types: utility, pleasure, virtue. Only virtue friendship is complete. (Nicomachean Ethics VIII–IX)
Cicero, De Amicitia — “One soul in two bodies.” A friend is a second self (alter idem). Loyalty under pressure is the test.
Montaigne — “Because it was him, because it was me.” Friendship sharply distinguished from family bonds (obligatory), sexual love (feverish, unstable), professional alliances (transactional). Essay: De la amitié.
Kant — Three types: need (mutual aid), taste (shared pleasures), moral friendship (fullest — trust innermost thoughts without fear of judgment). Needs perfect equality; power imbalance corrupts it.
Emerson — “I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with roughest courage.” A friend holds you to your highest potential. Friendly solitude: best friendships allow long disappearances and return without diminishment. Neediness is the enemy.
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves — Friendship begins the moment one person says “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” Lovers face each other; friends stand side by side looking at the same thing.
Georg Simmel — Modern differentiated society makes Aristotelian total friendship nearly impossible. Modern friendship is segmental — each friend knows a different part of you. The dyad is uniquely fragile: either person’s exit destroys it entirely.
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory — Friendship = intimacy + commitment (without passion). Friendships without commitment will fade.
Dunbar’s Number — ~150 stable social relationships, ~5 close friends, ~15 sympathy group. Loyalty, jealousy, and pain of exclusion are evolutionary adaptations.
Proximity, Similarity, Reciprocity — Mere exposure effect: you become friends with people you’re physically near. Reciprocity: friendship almost always requires perceived mutual liking.
Social Exchange Theory (Thibaut & Kelley) — People stay where rewards exceed costs. Comparison Level (CL): expectation baseline. CLalt: quality of alternatives. When CLalt rises, friendships break.
See also: dating-principles | 4C-reflections | constitution